From: geest3+@pitt.edu (Gregg E Economou)
Newsgroups: sci.physics.fusion,sci.physics.electromag,sci.physics.particle,sci.physics.plasma
Subject: Weekly Highlights- Advanced Ridiculous PArticle Accellerator (ARPA)
Date: 20 Oct 1997 17:41:21 GMT
Organization: University of Pittsburgh
Message-ID: <62g541$28t@usenet.srv.cis.pitt.edu>

This week at the Advanced Ridiculous PArticle Accellerator (ARPA), weve
made amazing progres in research of accelerated ridiculons. Our test
results have been getting more and more ridiculous, a sign of success.

This past weeks highlights from the Facility:

Monday, a new vacuum system was brought online to retire the old one,
which on account of heavy ridiculon bombardment over the past few ontshs
had become very flaky and didnt maintain proper vacuum. The new facility
also reduces average density by a factor of 3 in the test chamber, thus
allowing even higher contrast int he study of the formation of discrete
morons through the collision of ion beams with high energy ridiculons, and
allow us to obersevt he formation of individual morons at a subatomic
level. It is postulated that a similar process takes place in human
brains, but cannot be verified yet. The new vacuum facility will allow us
to use shroter bursts of ridiculons and smaller energy densities, thus
reducing the chance of error from chaos effetcs that begin to take control
fo the scene on this small scale. The vacuum system was purchased with a
grant form the Isildurean Billing Corporation's European division.

Wednesday, the first tests of ion-ridiculon collisions with the new system
were peformed. Test chamber clarity was incredible, and he results noted
were more ridiculous than reviously, by a factor of almost 1.7. This is
defintielyw orth the expense on the vacuum system!

Thursday, a small electrical failure in a control unit postponed beam runs
1388 to 1393.

The unit was repaired and tested Thrusday afternoon and the system is
anticipated to be on-line again on friday.

Friday, the system was borught online and beam runs 1388 to 1393 were
executed, under the direction of a research contract with the Eastern
United States Donut Distribution division of the Isildurean Billing
Corporation, the experiments were to verify an apparent disparity in the
preference of magnetic moment in the interaction of a confined body of
ridiculons in strong magnetic fields. The ridiculons were accellerated to
energies in excess of 800 Mev, and passwd through a transverse magnetic
field. Deflection of particles was observed to favor a particular
direction. This is the first time we have obersved very clear evidence
that ridiculons possess magnetic moment, as in the past there has never
been any conclusive evidence that ridiculons expereinced electromagnetic
inetractions. Accelleration of ridiculons is a tough process, involving
the saturation of an item to a near-moron state (the massive ridiculous
supercluster phase, which rearranges itself exothermically to form a moron
and a small gamma emission) , and the subsequent acceleration of this
item, then colliding it with a beam of low-energy antineutrinos to reduce
its ridiculosity just enough to break the supercluster bonds and liberate
a massive, accelerated beam of individual ridiculons. This process is very
laborious and limits the energies to which we can accelerate a ridiculon
to a theoretical limit of approx. 840 Mev. Research into whether or not
extremely high energy ridiculons might exhibit magnetic moment is ciritcal
into determingin whether or not we woudl bae able to ovserve ridiculons at
higher speeds than this. the Advanced Ridiculous PArticle Accellerator,
which is currently under construction with funds from the Isildurean
billing Corporation's Science and Technology Grant division's Community
Reinvenstment program, is aimed at achieving an acceleration of ridiculons
beyong the currently accpeted theoretical limit.

The experiemnts on Friday were conducted in cooperation with a team of
physicists from the Defense Department's Improbable Research Facility at
Twisted Fork National Laboratory in Sasquemoqtchta, Tennessee. The
visiting physicists bring with them years of expertise in improbable areas
of physics and a worldwide authority on the science and mathematics of
improbability, which rules the ridiculous forces at the quantum level.


For more information on the Advanced Ridiculous Particle Accellerator or
the general state of ridiculon research, send electronic mail to:
ridiculons@127.0.0.1, or postal mail to Ridiculon Research Facility
C/O Isildurean Billing Corporation Toroidal Confections R&D Division,
internal IBC Zip 06394, Wellinghall, MA , 09312


Lord "MAXIMUM RIDICULOSITY! YEAH!" Isildur